Question for a random reader

Question for a random reader

Godunovich resides within the realm of two different languages, simultaneously dwelling on two opposite ends of the planet. His amor fati in the East simbolyzes the destiny of those who have stayed - in the West of those who have departed. As the one who remained behind, he writes in Serbian language, but the one who has left, writes in his own unique Serbian English. From the West he faces East, and from the East he gazes towards the West. While writting from the West, his right hand is bearing east; being on the East, writing, his right hand is his west hand. Trying to fall asleep here in his eastern abode, he scrapes the clouds above Belgrade; trying to sleep there he is alligned horizontally, close to the former RAF station in the suburbs of London. Concealed, as much as one can be in a Diaspora, he anxiously awaits the departure of a bomber flying his way to enforce peace in his distant country. Down here, scared to death, he is buried deep into his native soil, something yet to be defined, with no expression, no notion. Both the Patriot, who stays, and tries to defend Her from falling into enemies hands, and the refugee, apatride who jumps ship - are actually the same person. Both of them are heroes, and cowards at the same time, the one who has left and the one who stayed behind. It is a Face-off happening within the same person, just as Here and There are merely coordinates in space. So there is only one habitus for Godunovich because his fear, weakness, and illness are the same here and there, which is also why his English narrative only slightly differs from his Serbian. His outer and inner exiles are the same, as he seeks refuge there and here as well. In the tainted scheme of wider historical and narrower medical circumstances, within  that hideous occurrence of ones simultaneous general and personal histories, he remains a homeless figure, a refugee both here and there. Illness does not recognize frontiers, differences between zones and alternate climates...

Could one ever possibly leave - and if he does ever leave, could one stay?
Could one flee from this here and from that there and remain alive? 



Pitanje slučajnom čitaocu

Godunovich boravi u dva jezika, traje na dva kraja sveta.  Njegov
amor fati na istoku je sudbina onih koji su ostali, na zapadu - sudbina onih koji su otišli. Kao onaj koji je ostao, piše i živi u srpskom jeziku, kao onaj koji je otišao, on piše i živi u prisvojenom engleskom jeziku. Sa zapada gleda ka istoku, sa istoka ka zapadu. Na zapadu, kada piše, desna mu je istočna ruka, na istoku, desna mu je zapadna. Na istoku, dok pokušava zaspati, iznad je vertikala, blizu oblaku nad Beogradom, na zapadu je horizontala, nadomak nekadašnjeg aerodroma Raf-a kraj Londona. Sklonjen, as much as one can be in a Diaspora, osluškuje uzlet bombardera u pohodu ka demokratskom nametanju mira. U svojoj zemlji, zbog istog strepi ukopan duboko u grudu, u nečemu za šta nema pravog izraza, pojma. Patriota koji ostaje da ne dozvoli da Ona padne u ruke neprijatelja, i izbeglica, apatrid, jedno su isto. Junak je i onaj koji beži i onaj koji ostaje, kukavica i onaj koji je pobegao i onaj koji je ostao. To su tek dva lica jednoga, kao što su Tamo i Ovde puke odrednice mesta. Stoga je Godunovichev habitus jedan, njegov strah, njegova nemoć, njegova bolest ista je tamo i ovde, zato se i njegova pripovest ispisana engleskim jezikom samo donekle razlikuje od one na srpskom. Spoljašnji egzil i onaj drugi, unutrašnji, jedno su, jer izbegao je tamo, ali izbegao je i ovde. U rdjavom kolopletu širih istorijskih i užih medicinskih okolnosti, usred rugobnog odvijanja opšte i lične istorije, on ostaje bezdomnik, refugee, i tamo, i ovde. Bolest  ne priznaje medje, razlike pojaseva i podneblja.

Može li se uopšte otići, a ako se ipak ode, može li se ostati?
Moze li se živ pobeći od ovog ovde, ili od onog tamo?
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